It's not a tumah!

The title of this post is to be read with the Arnold Scwarzanegger accent.

Some of you may know that my health has been on the schitz. First of all I'd like to thank everyone for being so helpful and understanding while I've been out of commission.

Here's the back story:
It first hit the first week I was home on medical leave. Extreme headache, room spinning dizziness and non stop vomiting. I didn't eat for 4 days. I ended up going to instacare where they "diagnosed" me with a possible stomach virus and severe dehydration. So after some saline, they sent me home to rest and have fluids only. Yeah right- after not eating anything for 4 days I was HUNGRY!

Anyway- I was out of it for that whole week. The next week was better, but still had a mild headache. Back to work the next week- (headache persisting) then last week happened. You know, there's nothing quite like walking down the hallway at your office while hugging your garbage can to your chest as you make your way to the bathroom to throw up. Priceless. It got so bad I had Kevin take me to the hospital on Thursday. The Dr. there started spouting out stuff about constricting vessels and brain tumors and such. WHAT? BRAIN TUMOR??? So after I happily signed that I WAS NOT pregnant they took me to get a CT scan. Can I just say that the "contrast" they use to see your vessels better is quite the trip. You get hot all over and you are slightly trembling and there's a metallic taste and burn in the back of your throat not to mention the feeling that you've wet yourself. No joke. (I imagine it's what it would feel like A: to phase into a werewolf or B: what vamps feel like when they're thirsty. [minus the whole peeing your pants bit] It's a Twilight thing. If you don't get it, just move on.)

Luckily the scans came out perfectly fine and there is NO tumor. The Dr. has preliminarily attributed my symptoms to a UTI, dehydration, possible side effects from medication and "an extreme reaction to acute stress". Me? Stress? What? I don't know what you're talking about! As I was laying there in the hospital with nothing to do but think- I started thinking about what the possible triggers for the stress could be. I even remembered back to Elementary school when I was constantly going home from school sick. My body it turned out was reacting to stress and I had to see the school counselor every day to help me deal with it then I could go back to class. I think my body is doing the same thing. It doesn't know how to deal with the stress I have and the only release is to make me violently ill. So, off to the counselor I go again to re-learn how to deal with my stress level so I can be functional. Wish me luck!

The Boss

Saw this onesie in the store and had to buy it. you know- just to give Kevin a bit of a reminder...

So glad I wasn't home for this...

Breaking Down over Breaking Dawn

So, the moment has come and it has gone. Stephenie Meyer's finale to her Twilight saga has come out. My two sisters in law and I went to Wal-Mart at midnight to pick up our copies. We were #'s 148, 149 & 150. There were well over 300 people there. We chilled in the lawn and garden center until the clock struck and the line began to move.

I finished the book Sunday afternoon- and was sorely disappointed. The story line for me was outrageous and I just couldn't believe it. (As far as vampires & werewolves are believable) I won't spoil any details for those of you who aren't finished. Let's just say that it wasn't until the last 80 or so pages that I felt like I was reading what I had hoped I would. I am re-vamping it, giving it the benefit of the doubt. I'll wait to make any reassessments until I am done.

As ALL over this series as I have been, I don't think I'll recommend this series to anyone anymore. It was too much of a downer for me and I would hate to be the reason someone else was disappointed. Twilight still is one of my most favorite books ever, and it will continue to be. Stephenie is still a great story teller, and I am so happy that she had a dream of a vampire and a girl in a meadow once upon a time.

Life goes on

So as I'm sure most of you have noticed- I haven't updated my blog in a month! There is a reason for this I promise.

Some of you already know this, but for those that don't: after Thomas was born I've had some serious post partem depression. It's been a struggle getting back to normal to say the least. I think the post partem part is becoming regulated- but I am having the hardest time dealing with day to day life. Meaning: I shouldn't be having panic attacks rushing to make it to the grocery store after work because I don't want to pack Thomas around the store with me. I shouldn't lose my temper when the dog doesn't come after calling her two times. I've been in tears at the drop of a hat feeling as though I were being stretched too far. (Yes I realize that everyone else seems to accomplish living day to day without freaking out and have much more pulling on them than I do.)

Having said that- I needed some time to gather my center again in hopes that I can apporach life with a level head and a "fresh start". I took two weeks off of work do to just that. It has helped a lot. I have been able to spend some time with Kevin, Thomas and Chewy. While trying to figure out my meds and things counselors were telling me- everything seemed to be summed up when I went to Relief Society yesterday. The lesson was on following the prophet. Now, President Monson hasn't given any advice on post partem depression that I'm aware of- however, the sweet sister giving the lesson offered this quote as a way to help us get through the tough times:

"It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is.

It all works out. Don't worry.

I say that to myself every morning.

It will all work out.

If you do your best, it will all work out.

Put your trust in God and move forward with

faith and confidence in the future.

The Lord will not forsake us.

If we will put out trust in Him, if we will pray to Him,

if we will love worthy of His blessings,

He will hear our prayers."

President Gordon B. Hinckley

Leave it to a prophet to "guide us in these latter days". The answer is right there for me to take whenever I need it. Not to say that my chemicals aren't messed up- but I need to remember to have the faith that I CAN do it. We are only alone if we choose to be. There is always someone there who loves us and wants us to succeed. If it worked for President Hinckley, why couldn't it work for me?

Gotta love dads...

Came home a couple of weeks ago from work and this is what I found.

His response: I thought the buttons went in the front.

I love my husband!

Crawling!

So, Thomas is now off and running. It's hilarious to watch him go. He spent about 2 weeks up on his knees rocking back and forth and squirming enough to get where he wanted to be. Well, the jig was up on Saturday night. He got the whole coordination thing down and took off like a rocket. My life is OVER! I put the baby gates up and pray that he won't find anything that I've overlooked. Yeah, right! On his crawling expeditions, he has found the dog food bowl. Luckily it wasn't the water dish he decided to pick up and fling around. I heard a metal clang and Chewy growling. I rushed into the kitchen (I was on a quick potty break) to find Thomas swinging the bowl around while sitting in a little pile of Chewy's dry food, while she growled at him thinking that he was going to eat it! I had to laugh. Too cute.

He has also found the doorstop to the front closet. It entertains him quite nicely. My mother in law thinks it would be the hit of the family Christmas program to let him play a little twangy tune on the doorstop. That means I have seven months to help him memorize the Hallelujah Chorus... How about I just stick to making sure the dog bowls are out of reach.